In the Christian circle, we place high value on forgiveness. We place high value on family. We place high value on second chances. Those are all very important things.

But sometimes we wonder, should we always forgive & forget, no matter what? Should give an endless supply of second chances? Should we always trust, honour, and stay close to family?

   The answer those questions are no. It is okay to say "no", it is okay to say "enough".

The Bible places high esteem on forgiveness. Jesus tells us to forgive others, as He as forgiven us. Does He tell us to forgive others no matter what they do to us, no matter how they feel about it, and no matter whether they are just going to ruin our lives by doing it again and again if we let them?

No. God's forgiveness towards us is the pattern for our forgiveness. He does not forgive those who do not want to be forgiven. He doesn't forgive us if we don't confess our sins. He doesn't forgive us if we don't repent of our sins. He doesn't say, "If thy brother trespass against thee, forgive him." No, instead, Jesus says this.

Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. Luke 17:3

  The Bible doesn't say, "If your brother trespass against thee, forgive him and don't mention it - it might be awkward, it might offend them." No, it says.

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother... And if he shall neglect to hear them [you, witnesses, & church]... let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matthew 18:15-17

If we love the person who has sinned against us we won't forgive them and stay quiet about how they've wronged us. We will tell them they were wrong, and that they need to make things right. The Bible is pretty harsh concerning those who are warned, forgiven, and still continue to do wrong!

 A man that is divisive after the first and second admonition reject; Knowing that he that is such is perverted, and sins, being condemned of himself. Titus 3:10-11

What is Biblical forgiveness? If the person who has wronged you is sorry, admits their wrong, turns from their wrongs, makes them right, then we must forgive them - that's a Biblical principle. We should be ready to forgive, we should offer forgiveness, we should try to make them see what they've done. We should try everything we can to help that person. We should hand over our burdens to God, and not grow bitter, but we shouldn't dismiss sin. Forgiveness 'no matter what', does not deal with the issues, and does not help anyone.

   Now, onto the family issue. The Christian community prides itself on being a big supporter of family. Often so much, that we think we have to pardon family members, just because they are family members. We think we have to obey family members, because they're family members. Is that Biblical?

  No.

  The Bible says family is important. Family is definitely important. The Bible says to obey your parents. We should obey our parents. The Bible says to support your family. We should support our families.

 But, if for example your mother told you to lie about someone, should you? No! But Paul says something in Ephesians, which puts things into perspective.

   Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

  We can't prioritize family over God. We can't obey family when they're wrong. We can't pardon family just because they're family.

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:37

 If we excuse sin because of fear of offending family members, and let them constantly push us over, and mistreat others, we are showing we don't love God as much as family.

 "But family is family! Why should you trust me even though I've wronged you? I'm family! Why should you forgive me even though I don't care that I've wronged you? I'm family! Why should you allow me to treat you less than? Because I'm family! Who do you have, if you don't have me? I'm your family!"

  Jesus doesn't think that's the case. He doesn't think we have to keep family in our lives when they mistreat us, and we've tried to help them.

But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. Matthew 12:48-50

 Family is important. It really is. But it isn't more important than following God. It doesn't excuse sins, it doesn't excuse mistreatment, and it doesn't equal automatic forgiveness and obedience. Family members can mistreat you, family members can forget you. I know, I've experienced it more than once, and I've seen it happen to others.

In fact the Bible predicts that family will turn against you, in Luke, Matthew, Micah and many other places! It doesn't say to let them continue to mistreat you.

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Isaiah 49:15

Joseph went through family problems, and is a good role model for everyone struggling with family problems. He met his brothers again after years, and didn't automatically forgive them! He put them through several tests to see if they had changed, and when he saw they were sorry, he forgave them.

 If you're struggling with forgiveness, with family problems, or with being mistreated don't let yourself become discouraged. Don't believe people when they say, "You have to forgive and forget." Don't listen when people tell you that wrongs towards you are less, because they come from family members.

 Be ready to forgive. Try your best to make the person realize what they've done. Don't get bitter. Stand up for yourself. Say "Enough." Don't let family members mistreat you and try to lead you from the Lord again and again. Sometimes we have to let family members go. Sometimes we can't forgive. And that's okay.

 Jesus says that He is your family, and that He will never let you go, and that is what matters.